The offence
Businesses are passionate about plumbing, payroll, paving and precision bearings. Perhaps they are. The customer still needs to know what that passion changes.
Translate the emotion into behaviour: better questions, unusual care, deeper expertise, faster correction or work somebody is willing to put their name on.
The prescription
Do this next.
- Delete the passion sentence.
- Replace it with one observable behaviour.
- Add a piece of proof a customer can verify.